Bottom Bitch

I can cook. Clean. Read. Write. Dream. Think. Go on whims, and make plans so detailed you'd think i was obsessed.  Be our cheerleader.  Fuck. Suck. Lick. Kiss. Tease you and give all you want on command.  Scream at the top of my lungs and know when to bite my tongue.  Fight all night but also put up my white flag.  Be stubborn as hell. Apologize.  Be the woman your mom always asks you about.  Be under you enough and be just as happy giving you space, cause, HELL i could use space too.  I will dare you to dream and do whatever part i need to do to ensure its manifestation.  I am free spirited and confident enough to let you do you at times because I demand the same from whoever chooses to love me.  I can show you how good it is to Like the person you Love.

Perception... OR at 26, Am I Expected

To... want to be married.  Want a major relationship.  know my sexuality and pick a classification.  be in my career.  have a nice savings account.  be submissive.  keep my mouth quiet.  listen and take heed to other's words of advice and not follow my own feet.  begin paying attention to my biological clock.  get a pain in my brain whenever i attend a wedding and it make me reflect on my textbook single status?  Expectations unmet.  Enjoy deciding if I'm above or below yours.

PolyAmorous

I love many.

Many I Love.  

Him because he's patient.  His touch.  That one because of his brain and integrity.  Her because all of that damn SWAG.  That one because he inspires me.  Because it's leveled and safe.  Because he challenges me.  She Loves me the way I was, the way I am, and the way i hope to be... so does he.  Him because he constantly lives in moments that make me admire him.  Him because I was afraid of his love when I had it. That one because he had me make the choice to stand up.  Because they demand that I am better, that I live.  I love him, because I do.  I love him because he lives with me in my dreams... entertains them in life, too.  I love him because he decided to walk away from the hurt I induced.  Love him because he demanded that I not settle and constantly reminded me that I didn't belong in certain places.  I love her because she's beautiful.  

I remain in debates with a friend of mine about 3 part relationships... and have come to conclusions... A person has to be strong enough in a 2 partner monogamous relationship before the thoughts of giving the commitment to 3 can even be played around with.  I'll continue working on my 2 ppl monogamy til then and let this rest on the back burner.

Dreams Deferred

Artists. Musician. Teacher.  Traveler.  Homeowner.  Restauranteur. Entrepreneur. Dancer. Bikram enthusiast. Passport Filler. Graduate and Post graduate student. Lover. Happy.

Lies and WithHoldings

I've cheated.  Kissed girls and more. Had more partners than I know was needed.  Your breath stinks.  I don't like your outfit.  I ache for the touch of you.  I am not one of you and I'm so happy about it.  I knew about your intentions before you decided to tell me.  I love someone else, too.  He moves me in a different way.  I don't know who my one is.  I'm afraid of loving.  I don't know how to trust when love comes around.  I'm still building my love's definition.  I miss being with girls.  I'm still in love with a girl I couldn't have.  You, Sir, need a vasectomy- that mess is Flippin RiDic.  I'd give it up for you.  I don't feel safe enough to stay with you.  If i do this for you, what will i get?  DUDE, I really liked you.  He would be 9 by now.  That night was the night I knew this needed to stop.  That night I knew I wanted this to begin.  You won't have pretty children.  I wanted to see the fruition of us so badly... I stayed around waiting.

Returning to Chicago

Nathan said it best... and I love him even more for it.

"Polar bears don't belong in the Rockies."

is now classic.

03.12.2009

so... 2moro became Thursday. I'm missing home. I suck at understanding that whole import/export blog things. but anyway, by making this blog, I'd decided to leave my old ones... but not without checking out my life from their past. It still speaks to my present and my futures. I so wanna share that stuff here... so i'm gonna: a snippet

08.27.2008- in 2 days... well less than 48 hours now i believe... i will move onto begin sharing my life with *him* in California.  i. love. them. like nobody's business and i will miss how easy it is(most of the time) to get us together.  i'll miss the moments of wandering i often got myself into and the gems i'd found for myself, but i will find my space in california.  this is an opportunity to live the way i want to live, starting anew but still having parts in place for me to retreat to if i scrape my knee, those parts found in *him*, *her*... my handpicked family within the crew here, back home.

And the today of the above- 

I live in LA. *He* remains the man i love. *They* remain those i miss the most.  I'm comin home to visit in 2 weeks!  I am not really living the way i'd hoped to, sometimes i get so weak i consider returning home.  i don't wander here. the space i found for myself to wander, lol, live, lol is not where i live... funny... kinda.  Many parts of me are figuratively scraped... need some healing. LFDY!!!!!! get some band aids.

i'm probably gonna return to my intentional blog for tonight... later

Live.Learn.Love.Move

-Tiv