HomeComing

I will be home by the end of July. Put THAT in the universe!

I'm leaving LA... bit of money in hand... and a plan.

Send Crazy Luck!

Awesome Commentary

"Reading your blog is like watching Memento"

- S. Williams

Friend and Fellow Bad Ass

i. love. it

The Little Things

Singing happy birthday at midnight. stroking the side of my face. singing together. people watching.  dancing on top of the bed. those walks. those hugs. playing with my fingers.  waking up in the middle of the night to find myself stuck under your legs.  Making sure the temperature's just right for you because you're always colder than i am.  wiping tears away from my face before i had to say goodbye when i moved.  the kisses on my forehead, shoulder, my neck, all because they're there. the kisses i plant on your shoulders, the ones i give to your neck when i'm on my tippy toes.  playing with your hands.  The mirror we make of ourselves.  always asking how i've slept.  Thinking of me and what i may need or want and then making the call to make sure i need those things whenever you're away and coming to be with me.  letting me be the spunky independent girl i try to be but still holding my waist whenever we cross streets.  never walking ahead of me when we're out and biting your lip when i sometimes walk ahead of you.  asking for my help.  the emails. the communication we have.  the way you asked- "when can we make it official/is it our time now?"

sidenote- i'm beginning to forget your face.  i'm beginning to forget us.  The timing of this breakup was better.  this was clean. thank you for deciding to let go.

She asked- how did you stay so long, knowing he had "that problem?" 3 years, what? "how did you fall in love and love, knowing he had "that problem?"

And... back

The look in your eye whenever we have a  moment to be in quiet. your patience. our getaway plans.  sharing enthusiasm for vintage cars.  your bravery. showing up hell or high water because it had been SO long since we'd seen each other.  the pains i felt that night, because... we had to behave as strangers. the freedom that is now had.

Much Ado About Nothing

i become more of a geek everyday

I like being around my children... 

We had a blast throwing our All Kid Birthday Party

More allergic to nuts than i thought

SWINE FLU... i know it ain't gone... 

I love all of my boys... thank you for being in this life- Nathan, Ray, Mosi, Phil

My Girls... Stacie, Mai, Ama, Ultra, Cae, Kei, Abby, Mika... thank you for sharing your lives with me.

letting me be the hippie.

He gets me. like not many else can. tears, his words, eyes and voice are like the best "binkie" ever. i swear.  if things could've been created years ago... imagine where we'd be.

RelationShips(and their ends) in the Technological Age

Facebook- untagging a person in your photos... removing things that associate you and that person to a relationship together... anxiety about changing "status" because that means it's really over... waiting for when one person will finally change theirs so you know it's ok to change yours. waiting... especially since i was the one that ultimately caused the breakup.  afraid to announce any new romantic prospects because it may be seen as hurtful... disregarding another's feelings.  Not leaving comments on one another's page... when all i wanna say is "All hails, official now, Congratulations! You're a Doctor, wish you the best"

T Mobile- changing my fave five and being confused as to who and how the hell someone else took the place of that person, when i was the one who manually changed the person in the list.  not used to not seeing the heart that represented that person when they were in the list.  deleting the contact from both the fave five list and my sim card... but still vaguely remembering the number.  Remembering how everyone used to speak of the handicap everyone has when it comes to remembering numbers thanks to cell phones and contact lists. Feeling odd that the habit of sending morning txt msgs to him is now no longer part of my routine... and that it is now someone else. 

Myspace- the same angst in changing status and any references to the relationship in my profile. i should delete that profile... anyone still on myspace like that? who'da thunk facebook would finally be taking over the universe... 

Yahoo- being the connector throughout the day to whom i now "spend" my morning communication with.

Blogger- being abusively open. saying what might be Sea Salt to open wounds.  saying i've opened up to new prospects and they give just enough of what i can handle now. biting my nails that he doesn't visit this site because i've posted this link on... Facebook

Full Circle... Ha. 

More careers to pursue... or just Entertain... Hobbies?

Entomologist- moreso a Butterfly... Caterpillar enthusiast thanks to my children.

A Still Life Photographer... had so much fun with Mai in the Rose Garden... Yes I took both of those photos.  But i can be humble and say... I had a great camera, too.

A quirky relationship... or sex therapist.  I remember when Kei suggested that to me, when we were freshmen in college... HA.

Good Morning LA... Good Afternoon Chicago

So... I updated everywhere I could... and what a difference 2 months make:

THE GIRL IS:

still Tivia, Chantivia, Tivi, Chantivia Marie, Tibie, Tiv

26 years around the planet earth

LA transplant for probably only a few more months... undecided

No longer in the LA relationship and living in the building of others

Daughter

Sister to 9

Aunt to 30 plus

Friend

Artist

Teacher

Dreamer

Aries

and... looking for work again, in either LA or Chitown... preferably ChiTown since it appears that my salary history intimidates many LA schools that are in need of one with my qualifications.  Funny stuff, seeing as I took a pay cut to take on my recent work.  I'm so gonna start a "Just Get Tivia Home" Fund... any contributors?  I mean, you can even start with a dollar :-)

The girl still Lives... Learns... Loves and Moves... hoping you're doing the same.

Bring out the romantic in you

visit this blog from time to time... Remain hopeful that the love you desire can come and someone out there may be visiting and believing in this blog too...

1,001 Things I Want In A Lover

Why

"can't people just love and shut the hell up? Ride that shit out and let it be what it'll be? All the questions and doubts... Jeeeesh."

"I have an idea:  Let's do this.  Let's be in love, love each other and let love do what best it does.  Stop doubting each other, challenge one another, see the flaws and beauties... so on and so on."

2 of my favorite texts.

Love. Me. Right.

with... Passion, no white picket fence, show a love that our children can recognize and understand.  Encouragement.  Celebration.  Acceptance of flaws and strengths.  Laughter. Amazing Intimacy.  Walks and Talks.  Laying in bed on Sundays.  Sharing my hideouts, exploring yours.  Respectful of my past and sensitive to how it affects my present and future. Thrills.  Fights. Silence. Friends.  Independence.  Support.  Loving love.  Reminders of the moment love was discovered.  Flowers(i know, right?) Cooking.  Traveling.  Family. Hobbies shared.  Healthy debates.  Music. Dance with me.  Singing Loudly.  Loving Loudly.  Morning smiles.  Goodnight kisses. Midday caresses.  Letting Down My Guard.  Felling safe and confident that we are in this together.  Hold my hand.  Kiss my face like that.  Be there when I get home.  Making and learning from mistakes.  Making plans. Talking in bed... under the covers.  Balance. Making our traditions.  Naps.  Errands. Play in my hair.  Rub my Back.  stay close to me while we sleep.