Settling in... Settling down

I moved in my new place. It has its perks. and very few downers...
It's small... but i am determined to "Make it Work" i miss project runway...
I can have a pet... unlike the apartment i still salivate for... that's 3 blocks away... I'mma get that place back. That drama... and that girl is on facebook?!?!?!?!?

questions have been swirling about as i'd prepared to return back home. "what is it gonna take for you to sit your Arse down?" when are you gonna finally stop moving so much?

the answer...

Now....ish?

I'm 26 and i'd like to gather focus around a few things...

Google Me babi...

well at least he did.

sent me messages... using details from my profile... shooooooot details even I forgot.

I was a lil disturbed. gotta privatize my profile... STAT.

You Look Good to Me

no seriously you do...
i went crazy for a sharp dressed man.
the whole shebang... shoes, tie, blazer, well fitting jeans... other adornments... clean cut hair... beard...
then... you have a brain.
you have style... i kinda get why the term "swagger" was invented...
Props to you...

little girl

on my first Red Line ride back in Chicago.... I saw the little girl.

she had an afro.

a Big... Happy... Free... Proud... one.

she was beautiful.

a beautiful i missed while away in LA.

I'm home.

In all black

While walking down 57th...
i had on a black and grey striped tank top... black leggings... gladiators... and belt. hair looking black and black aviators.
on a mission: to find my jump drive at fed ex.

a older woman says... i brighten up the street.

I love having my ego stroked from time to time... who doesn't?

Mommy Dearest

at 4 a.m.
in a conversation with a friend
yes 4 a.m.
they said to me...
"I can't see you ever becoming a mom"
"You don't seem like you'd need a man to do it"

the cherry on top of so many others asking... what will it take for me to finally sit down... settle down in a place...

guess i need to take a step back and look at the path(s) i'm taking my life... when this body makes me settle down... what do i want to have... what do i want to reach for... what do i want to have had... in my life by then?

Not the Girl you used to know

I lived like a teenage boy. Crazy Libido. "Free" Love. Invincible. Flaunted what i didn't have... and those were not the flaws.
"Knew" more ppl that i cared to focus on... I had other cool things on my plate.
Whenever i see a person from my past.. or I agree to hang out with them... they are still stuck on that girl. Years have passed... experiences had. opportunities taken. lessons practiced, failed and succeeded. I have been living my life. "You" haven't been in it. In that time... I have grown... I failed to make the assumptions that they probably did too. They always remind me what happens when you Ass.U.Me.
I played with vanity... always had the hair done- permed, braided, colored... HAD to be in some heeled shoe. Tailored and calculated each time i went out the house. In the shop, getting the toes done... getting my gel set filled and eyebrows waxed. Using makeup and all kinds of lip gloss and stains.
I just wanna say... I am not that girl.
Now I live in beauty. I've let go of the chemicals... and wear my hair fro'd out.... or in my 70s style blowout because i let my hair behave as it wants... and usually regardless how i "tame" it... it will always be big, thank you hair follicles. I wear heels when necessary, but i love flip flops in the summer, bare feet in my house, and a great pair of boots. I'm not as tailored anymore, but i have definitely found the mastery in what works for my body. I like my nails free- they never needed any help really, thanks to my dad... but none of that alteration that i used to do. I do not wear nail polish at all. My eyebrows... are wild... but they have always done their own arching... i won't lie... the wax is calling me. i wear lip balm... that gives me just enough shine but mainly... the lips are always soft and that matters more than making them look like an aroused vagina. and don't act like you didn't know that why lipstick was invented in the first place.
I just wanna say... I am no Longer that girl... I've become a woman... the kind of woman i'll be is still being written.

The neighborHOOD

so once i landed back in Chicago. I stayed where my heart is. Back in my mom's house in Markham. a suburb a little distance away from the home i made for myself in Hyde Park. I got to see the neighborhood... reminisce on what made it liveable when i was young, escapable when i was older, and saw too many ppl from my "youth." I hadn't realized it had been that many years since i've really seen anyone here. Im tellin you... as soon as 18 hit... I was out. Came back a couple years later, but never really stayed in the neighborhood. So... for some of the ppl that I spent time with during my stay... they hadn't seen me in 8 years! I realized... I. am. Not. "Hood." and i'm having my own debates of if that's a good or a bad thing. Leaning more towards the good... but it feels like i'm turning my nose up at my past. hate that... but the codes i've switched between for the steps i've taken since... there are no "look backs"

irony at gate 7

i'm standing at the gate... the one that... a little shy of 2 years ago. i told my mom that I was going to move to LA. argued up and down that this is where i was going to go. fighting a few tears from anger mixed with the scary of the proclamation. Here i am after what's short of a year at the same gate... returning to Chicago. ahhh... Alanis. "Isn't Ironic..."

So I watched Hancock the Other Day

with my LA-ex.
He'd better understand that I still love him- especially the way he provides perspective of things to me. We noticed and thought maybe...

"Our strengths and superpowers, all that makes us the great that we are... may be better celebrated and utilized when we're farther away from one another"

so... let's pray one of us doesn't get shot in the next 2 days, cuz then we'll have our 2000 mile shields and armor back in place.

Chicago HERE. I. Come.

UpDates of Le List

alrighty... the Pod came Last Tuesday and went this past Friday... that helped me...
finish all my laundry and pack ALL of My Stuff!

Made it to the Post office and...
Changed my mailing address!

Did all the work I needed to do in terms of job hunting and started the ball rolling on the to do's in the event that doesn't happen so...
I have interviews to attend! and checks being created... i think.

went to the movies and...
stayed awake during hangover! good movie, haven't made it back yet though for Transformers and Harry Potter'll be released in Chicago shortly after my landing so that's on the list!

did some OCD research on the puppy i want... I think I am goin for the Boston Terrier...a Red one or one of the other random colors that have been bred. Found a few breeders right in Chicago too! yaye for no plane travel fees!!!

had and entire Beach weekend...
even visited a dog beach with the Reason's lil shiba inu puppy... the puppy isn't ready for the ocean. he's barely ready for the water sprayed by the groomer. poor puppy.

no Mikee or Mike time because my time's been filled with all those things and spending time with the Reason I came to LA in the first place...

funny how i'm livin here like i like the place, when i'm headin out... Wednesday morning... HA!

ForADarkGirl... a Rant. a Rave.

So Summer brings the bronzed... red... rich tone of my skin out for the world to see. i guess a few tank tops and strapless maxi dresses also add to the sight to be seen, but lately... LATELY... at leasta few times a year i get the same crap: "You are pretty for a dark girl" chocolate skin... thang... queen... beauty... etc etc etc. SHUT UP. Celebrate my pretty for the sake that it's just THAT. For waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many years, I've dealt with this... For the most recent years I've just learned to love EVERY part of myself. For ppl to only acknowledge this layer of me... IRKS me. done with the rant.

I LOVE MY
heart.
mind.
spirit and energy.
hair and its ways. my crooked middle finger
my hands. my back side. the perks and the eventual sags.
my voice, especially when i curse.
my style and everyone's interpretations of it.
my Skin.
AND YAYE FOR SUN GIVING ME THE ADDITIONAL GLOW!!!!

yes... that was the RAVE.

HomeIn2Days!