the English language... man...
So... it's been awhile since I'd published words for you.. for me... more than anyone... all I'll say and finally closer to ND's style of chronicling...
These past few months have been a whirlwind. Ive just recently made it to exactly one year since I've returned home. there've been... hmmm... much that i kept quiet about:
K/L the roller coaster boy you've seen him in blogs past. started out last summer as just takin the plunge, being whoever we needed to be for one another. I set no expectations upon him especially when it came to monogamy. He was cool til he saw that I was stickin to that. He told me he loved me. Me not realizing this meant he wanted the games to stop. He wanted an earnest relationship with me. He wanted to have just me. I let myself get clouded in the selfish of being newly single.. not greedy and flaunting to him and the world that i'm single. but the freedoms of not having to answer to anyone. going out with my girls as much as I wanted. going out alone as much as i wanted. no calls of check in and the like. we went up and down. passion... in physical and love... in separation and anger. passion. i felt somethin heavy for him but i look back and it was not love. if i focused, maybe i could've found myself there but the universe gave me reasons as to why i didn't. he finally, after 3 years asked to become my boyfriend. right before summer time Chicago. Means nothing, but I'm just sayin.. i think he chose to try and cuff me so that no one else would find themselves spending time with me during the season. The man couldn't even answer why he wanted to be with me. so i gave him the answer of no. the others...
Intimacy... inbetweens: J/D. Jay. M/S.
I grew this crush on another... a friend of friends, I placed him on a pedestal. He was quirky. a lil off. and soft. I placed him above because he was a friend that i didn't think deserved or could even handle the way i treated some men. so I avoided him, knowing that i was still very much so an asshole. I wanted to wait until I was worthy. Come to find out he was pretty similar to others ive dated. A/B. It was nice. He's thought about from time to time... but he also happened to have the same birthday of K/Land sign of C/T. Fuckin Aquarians. I'm leavin em alone. and that's whats keepin me from him now and until.
N/W this one... was the first man ever to make me think that polyamory was in my blood. I loved my boyfriend, him and another friend or 2. I didn't need to have physical intimacy with all of them. but i loved pieces about them that i wish i could put in a bottle and pour down my ultimate whoever. Iono I'll feel safe to say I love him. He would never want to share me if we ever let us be... so i may not ever give the right kinda energy to making that happen.
K/B. My Interracial Romp. So many apprehensions. and he helped confirm the one that bothered me most. Being some one's exotic. He managed to sprinkle in too many sexual undertones into our conversation. now not to say he was the one at fault. I apologize for being so comfortable in my sexuality. that i have no qualms speaking of the one night stands I've done, the sex I've had, the partners I've experienced etc. but just because i answered questions freely doenst mean im all about givin it up freely cuz you asked. He would've been fun for the books but he lost me. c'est la vie.
part 2...
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